Fear of Success
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I was chatting with my wife the other day about what keeps me from success, or let’s say greater success and started to consider, given that I have no obvious outward hindrances, that maybe the only thing holding me back, was me.
I have seen the enemy…and it is us.
If I am remembering my Samuel Beckett correctly.
Then I came across a cool article by Steve Pavlina about the Fear of Success. The article boiled down to a simple exercise.
Ask yourself what would happen if you were to completely succeed and attain your goals.
On the face it seems silly, but it isn’t a trivial question.
Think about Robert Kiyosaki for a moment. I’ve seen many examples of people personally attacking him…heck, I’ve even been personally attacked just for saying that I enjoyed his writing.
It’s easy to assume that a successful person is somehow immune to these kind of attacks, and it’s true that many of them develop a “thick” skin and coarseness to keep out the pain of other people’s attacks.
When I met Robert last Spring it was clear that he was a sensitive and vulnerable person and I’m sure that on some level, when people attack him, he feels pain.
Another more personal example, was when Problogger reviewed my Real Blog Videos. In the comments, some people took me to task for trying to exploit people by charging for what should be free information.
Looking back now, it really hurt and I can see that, since my next product would likely be susceptible to the same criticism it has kept me from moving forward. Of course I came up with many other reasons for why I wasn’t working on the project, but I can see now, the main one was pain avoidance.
The Exercise
If I succeed here’s what the result will be [I've marked each with a + or - to indicate whether it feels good or bad]:
+ I won’t ever have to worry about money any more.
- People will be jealous of me.
- People will criticize me and what I do.
+ I’ll be able to do cool things with my money like donate to charity and help out friends.
+ I’ll have freedom with my time…to do what I like.
- I’ll get lots of attention.
+ I’ll have lots of doodads and toys.
- Friends, relatives and tacky people [Internet marketers] will try and beg, take and borrow money from me.
Somehow we convince ourselves that “success” is equal to eternal bliss, but I realize now that that concept is a myth. Life is simply not about freedom from pain, I’m thinking that the very best we can do is to chose to pro-actively chart our course or be the victim of life’s whims.
I’ve always believed that what manifests in my life is determined under the surface. It isn’t our actions that determine our results, it’s the motivation that determines everything.
Pain avoidance as a motivation is like driving with the brakes on. It looks like you’re really trying to reach your goals, but really you are in complete control of trying not to reach them.
It is also worth noting that the pluses and minuses will have different strengths to influence the balance of the fulcrum, or different weights.
For me the “-” of “I’ll get more attention” is very powerful. I love to fly under the radar and go unnoticed. Now it is not too difficult to see that this is at odds with being the CEO, or any sort of leader, of a company.
I’ll have to either learn to let go of this fear, or it will likely continue to keep me below my full potential.
When looking for the solution to a problem, I’ve always found it useful to assume we are the most brilliant genius imaginable. From there anything is possible and the only efforts are put towards hindering our potential.
Jon Symons
Scoping out the real enemy, so you don’t have to…but you still should.
Come along now Jon, all this talk of freedom and Creativity and choice makes us think you haven’t been paying attention again…
http://www.multiworld.org/taleem_files/artiagaisch/gatto.htm
Gatto’s seven rules have been a painful but necessary part of my awakening - doubly so because I was an “educator” for a number of years.
He has a free online version of his “Underground History” book - a stunning but heavy read.
http://www.johntaylorgatto.com/index.htm
Anyway, shine on Jon. The first trick to escaping the darkness has got to be an awareness of the light..
regards
I learned early on that someone is going to be unhappy with whatever I do even if I do nothing. So I try to make myself happy first.
Like you, I prefer to fly under the radar. However, I forsee a time when I can no longer do that. Its painful to accept but to avoid publicity is to avoid progress.
“Its painful to accept but to avoid publicity is to avoid progress.”
Pretty much my thoughts exactly, and yes it is painful.
Another great quote- the best way to avoid criticism is to do nothing at all.
“the best way to avoid criticism is to do nothing at all.”
That used to be my favorite method, but then I met this Rich Dad guy and everyone kept telling me that if I wanted to get rich I had to take action….looks like I’m hooped either way
Recognizing the enemy is the first step and it’s the most helpful.
Once you do that you can swallow the frog whole or dice it up into tiny pieces. I’m using the tiny piece method. Each piece I swallow is making the rest not seem so bad. In the end it all tastes like chicken
Confidently Succeed With These 5 Proven Steps To Eliminate Your Fear Of Success
[...] As Jon from Art of Money points out it’s not the outcome of success we fear, we fear the criticism and actions of others. In other words, becoming a millionaire isn’t scary. It’s how the people we love and care for will react to the new millionaire in their life. Will they see us as ‘being too big for our britches?’ or acting better than everyone. Will they beg for money? [...]
[...] Fear of success [...]